Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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