I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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