Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
