epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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