I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
