u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
