You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
