I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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