he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
