I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
