I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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