I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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