so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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