He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
