16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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