a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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