What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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