so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
