so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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