But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drake has all the answers
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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