I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
