non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
