He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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