Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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