we're chasing vodka with high fives
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
