whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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