dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
