Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
