There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
