I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
