I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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