Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
