Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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