My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
