Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
