I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
