Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
