Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
