That's when you crack a 10am beer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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