I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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