the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
