Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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