I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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