and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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