Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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