Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
