My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
