I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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