Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
