i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
