look no pants
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
