We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
