Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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