I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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