well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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