if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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