Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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