WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
